I decided long ago that I don’t want to take credit for the good things my teenagers do.
If their good behaviors mean something about me, then it would have to be true that their bad behaviors mean something too!
At one point I had one child who was earning top grades in all of her honors and AP classes, and one who would wait until right before report card time to pull his F’s up to D’s, just so he wouldn’t have to retake the class. I had one teen who would check in just to keep me posted about where he was and who he was with, and one who would sneak out and his phone behind so I would have no way to get ahold of him.
If I judged my own success as a parent on the behaviors of my kids, I would be very confused! Was I succeeding or failing miserably?
The reality is… our teenagers are going to do what they want to do. Yes, we can teach. But they have to choose to learn. We can set rules and consequences, but they still get to choose what they do with those boundaries. As much as we want to help them be successful, their choice to accept our help is just that. Their choice.
Your teen gets to choose how they think and feel and act. No amount of attempting to control will change that truth.
Of course I am NOT suggesting that our parenting isn’t influential or important! It is SO important!
Elder L. Tom Perry said, “The influence of righteous, conscientious, persistent, daily parenting is among the most powerful and sustaining forces for good in the world.”
What I am suggesting that we focus our efforts on the things that we can control. We can control our own righteousness. We can control our own conscientiousness and our own persistent efforts. We can control how we show up even when we disagree with their choices.
We can honor their agency. We can be their biggest cheerleaders. We can love them unconditionally.
Then, no matter what our children choose, we can know for sure that we are succeeding as parents.
