Recently, I had an article published on the Power of Moms website (read it here) that I had written years ago. I talked about the importance of loving our children exactly as they are, instead of loving who we wish they would be, or who we know they could become.
That was a course-altering insight for me when I had a “difficult” toddler. But that principle feels even more true and more crucial to understand (and implement) as my children grow up and choose who they want to be.
Sometimes I am guilty of seeing the “potential” in the people I love, and using that as a reason to feel impatient or disappointed with them. I tell myself I am being helpful by pointing out all the areas they could improve, but what I’m really doing is focusing on all the ways they are falling short.
Nobody thrives on that kind of “help.” Not my young children, not my teenagers, not my husband, not myself.
If I really want to help my family members become the very best they can be, then the most valuable thing that I can possibly do is to love them. Completely and unconditionally. As they are right now. I can believe in them and cheer them on, without stressing that they are doing it wrong.
I know that feels scary. Our brains try to tell us that we should worry. We should save them from having to learn lessons the hard way because we know better. That feels true and helpful. But when we treat our loved ones like that, we are inadvertently sending a message that we don’t believe in them. We’re worried that maybe they will never figure it out.
Let’s look at how Heavenly Father parents us. Does He teach us consistently? Yes. Absolutely. And if we ever have questions, He is more than willing to help.
But He doesn’t follow us around, criticizing our every move and getting frustrated when we don’t get it right. He doesn’t try to control us., and He doesn’t stress that we’re not learning our lessons fast enough. He lovingly teaches true principles, and then He gives us lots of room to figure it out ourselves. He believes in us and rewards our efforts, even if they are not perfect.
Mostly I guess this is a post written for me. I am recommitting myself to the belief that my loved ones are right on track. They are gaining the experiences they need. They are learning the lessons that Heavenly Father knows they need to learn. I don’t need them to be any different. I love them exactly as they are. I believe in their abilities to succeed. I am 100% here to love and support and encourage. But I’m not in a hurry for anyone to change.
