I think asking that question yields some valuable insights. Not only insights into what’s going on in our country, but also what sometimes goes on in our family relationships.
Generally speaking, people turn to rioting because they don’t feel heard.
It’s happened repeatedly in history. When people feel like no one is listening, they often turn to violence to make themselves heard.
What does that have to do with family relationships, you ask?
Sometimes the people we love “act out” in an effort to make themselves heard.
Toddlers throw tantrums; older children fight with their siblings; teenagers may rebel against family values; a spouse may become quick tempered or distant. Any of these behaviors could be a sign that the person is not feeling heard.
What would happen if, instead of trying to challenge or correct these behaviors, we first focused on our connection?
Instead of setting up consequences in hopes of changing the “misbehaving” person, what if we tuned in to their call for help, and listened with our whole hearts?
What might we learn about that person? How might we better love them?
Next time someone you love starts to “riot,” I invite you to take a step back and ask yourself what they are really trying to communicate. Is there something going on in their hearts that you haven’t “heard?”
Instead of focusing on how to get them to stop their behavior, try listening harder and showing more love.
It may not instantly solve all the problems, but I think it would be a good start.
